When does adolescence end and adulthood begin???
Does this happen when-
- He is allowed to vote??
- Or, does it happen when he becomes 5’6” tall??
- Or, does it happen when his voice becomes deep and husky??
- Or, does it happen, when his moustache and beard becomes grown??
- Or, does it happen, when the hormones start a rampage inside his body??
- Or, does it happen, when the girls start noticing him??
- Or, does it happen, when people expect him to start choosing a career- Science or Commerce or Arts?
Wow!! This feels so confusing!! If thinking about this is so confusing, than imagine how confusing it is for the boy (or the man, if we may call him so)!!
Okay. Let’s think of the man and his manhood!!
- Is it okay for him to feel sad?
- If so, is it okay for him to say that he feels tearful??
- Can he cry, without feeling little on doing so??
- Is it okay for him to feel scared and anxious??
- Let’s take it a step further, is it okay for him to say that he is feeling so, that is scared and anxious??
- Is it okay for him to be sensitive??
- Is it okay for him to say have a “break” by “going for rest to his parent’s home (Piyar jaao chu!!)
Again, so much confusion. For some reason, the mind and emotions of a man have taken a backseat. Why is this the case? Let’s ask ourselves. Do men not have a mind? Do men not have emotions? Is emotional health of men not important? The emotional health of men (and of course, women, too) is becoming even more relevant today, given the pace of life. The image is being created nowadays of a Metrosexual Man, the urban, well-groomed, fit, savvy, self sufficient, independent man. And all this comes with a price! To stay on top of things, to be able to compete, to be able to survive, to be able to thrive- all this has a big impact on emotional health and well-being.
Let’s first understand the current context and climate. Today, the metrosexual man is not only competing with a few people physically around him; but he is competing with many more in the virtual world. Globalization, internet, electronic media means that a professional sitting in Ahmedabad will now have competitors who may be sitting in Dubai or London. The choices available around him- what to wear, what to eat, what to drink, where to go, who to see, who to talk to, who to befriend, what to become, how to do something, what to believe in, what to practice, what to drive, etc is mindboggling. This is going to create so much dilemmas and distress in the poor young man. The expectations of people around him, the self-expectations, the demands, etc are endless. There is no doubt that his emotions are churning in full speed.
While on one hand, we are positively moving towards gender equality, on the other hand, unfortunately both the genders are still subjected to challenges of their own. Undoubtedly, women have to face challenges due to cultural reasons; but we also need to acknowledge that due to the same cultural issues, men also have their own set of challenges to face from an early age. I see so many men who talk to me about how they were expected to start earning and be productive and protective of others, from a very early age. So many report how they plunged themselves into the mad rat race of becoming a doctor or engineer without a second thought, as this was what was expected of them. So many report how they just ignored their emotions and distress from an early age, as they would otherwise be seen as weak. The list can go on……
Let’s also think carefully how sometimes emotional and mental health can portray differently in males than in females. There is no doubt that most of emotional and mental health problems will be similar in both the genders; being one gender does not mean that you may not feel an emotion like the other gender. However, sometimes expressions vary, and sometimes prevalence also varies. There are various factors for this- genetics, cultural, social, environmental, etc. However, instead of going into too much scientific details and debates, let’s have a general think about this.
If we consider early childhood and development, some neurodevelopmental conditions like Autism and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is found to be more common in boys than in girls. These conditions come with significant behavioural and emotional component. Being different from others around him, being unable to make others understand self, being unable to understand others; all this is bound to make one feel more distressed.
If we move towards adolescence, in boys, emotional upset gets expressed more in the form of aggression, frustration, irritation. Hence, Conduct Disorders, Oppositional Defiant Disorders are more commonly seen in boys. Due to same reasons, Depression in boys and young men, manifests more as irritabilty, frustration and anger. On the other hand, in some boys, depression manifests as sudden or gradual change into becoming quiet, withdrawn and flat (emotionless) unlike girls who may present with low mood, tearfulness and distress. Again, all above factors, plus peer pressures (especially as one becomes more vulnerable in this emotional state) means substance misuse (including smoking) and addiction is also more common in boys and young men. Also, the psychosexual growth in this age group, causes a lot of anxiety in boys and young men, which then leads to low mood and withdrawn behaviours. I commonly see boys who present with low mood, and on detailed assessment, they talk about how they perceive themselves as failures in psychosexual aspects. A lot of them have not actually had a clear rejection in love, but they are so sensitive at this age, that small comments or gestures gets magnified and stuck in their mind as an act of rejection and failure.
Moving into adulthood, men are as susceptible to emotional health issues as are woman. However, the stigma and taboo makes it more difficult for men to accept this themselves and to let others accept it for them. While on one hand, the financial and family pressures play a role in causing emotional upsets; on the other hand, the same prevents them from addressing the emotional upsets. It then becomes a vicious cycle, which they find themselves trapped into.
For same reasons as mentioned before, depression and low mood in men may manifest as frustration, irritability, aggression, substance misuse, smoking, addiction. Research says that being male who is suffering with severe depression, this by itself is a marker for risk. Unfortunately, although the incidence of suicide attempts is higher in females; but the rates of completed suicides is higher in males. This finding is worldwide, including India. Schizophrenia is more commonly diagnosed in men than in women, and also at a younger age than in women.
The above is just to help us all think of how emotional and mental health is important for men and some examples of how this may manifest differently in men.
This November when we are celebrating manhood by growing moustache; let’s also celebrate the sensitivity and emotions in a man, in a boy, in an adolescent.