“Problem Child”; is that true?
The label of being a “problem child” is nowadays being used and heard very commonly.
“This child is too much”….. “He is very naughty”……“She is a nightmare”……“He is a problem child”……“She is trouble”.
We hear the above words from parents, family members, teachers, nursery nurses, coaches, and sometimes from healthcare professionals, too. The phrase “problem child” or “naughty child” invariably creates two impressions- one, that the “problem” is within the child; and other, that the child has knowingly created this “problem”, the child is choosing to behave so. Hence, it is the child’s fault, something needs to be done to the child to change this.
But, is that so?? We need to pause and think. Let’s think this with two examples.
John is a 7 year old boy who is very restless and disruptive. So, teachers feel John is “naughty”. And Parents feel John has “ADHD”. Has anyone paused to think WHY is John so restless in school? Does he struggle to understand lessons due to some Learning Difficulties, Dyslexia or Dyspraxia? Hence, he finds it boring and embarrassing in school, so becomes restless and disruptive…. Does he have any vision or hearing difficulties, hence he struggles in lessons, and hence …….Is the family atmosphere very unstable and eruptive, which makes him very restless….Is someone close to John very critically ill, which makes John so worried, that he struggles to concentrate…..The list can go on…. But before considering these, we, the teachers and parents label John as “naughty”, “the problem”.
Mary is a 15 year old young woman, who is very angry, impulsive and “shouts at anything and everything”. So, parents say Mary is “wild, we keep away from her”; teachers say Mary is “aggressive, no one likes her”. Again, has anyone paused to think WHY Mary is so angry? Is Mary unhappy about something in her life, unhappy about something in herself, which is making her so angry….Is Mary victim of some form of abuse, which makes her so angry… Has Mary witnessed severe parental discord and violence from a young age, is her mother withdrawn and depressed due to same, Mary can’t express her protest to her father, and as she is herself becoming a young woman, so all this is frustrating her too much and hence she is angry… Is Mary finding her onset of periods and other growth changes difficult, which is making her angry. Is Mary in a relationship which is going rough, which is making her angry….. Again, the list can go on…. But before even considering these, we, the parents and teachers label Mary as “angry”, “aggressive”, “the problem”.
It is not just inappropriate, but it is injustice to label a child, instead of understanding the reasons behind the behaviour.